time: too late/early
eating: worm woter
i worked on this today! still a wip
eating: kirin ichiban and takoyaki cheeps
im so devaaastaateeedddd my fav coworker is quitting. T_T the same old familiar face for 2 years. rip......... i mean like ive been trying to quit also and even applied to other jobs but then covid hit so i put all those plans on pause. thought i'd be the first to go of all my coworkers >_> im happee for him for moving on to better things (cuz work sux) but also sad bc i will miss him 333 i wish i could move on from this job too for something better....
okay so i lied on my last diary entry, i'm actually level 8 in chulip and a bonafide player. HA. havent played in a few days since im at the point where i kissed a lot of people and need to progress the main story. which requires me reading a lot of the guide so... im holding that off for the weekend. which for me starts TODAY. my boyfriend is away spending a few days with family so it's shitposting hours for me >:-)))))
ok so mental health check? i've been so-so. some good moments some bad moments that it kind of evens out. i got my first moderna shot the other day. in the back of my mind i was irrationally nervous about it so the whole time i tried to not think about the vaccine. the worst was when i got it and then waited for my 15 minutes for an allergic reaction. i think i was freaking myself out because within those 15 minutes i started feeling lightheaded and like my throat was closing up. didnt help that i was frantically googling MODERNA ALLERGIC REACITON????. anyways 15 minutes passed and nothing happened, but i walked around for another 15 minutes waiting for my bus incase something happpened. then i got off the bus early to walk the way home because i was having a bad anxiety attack. in the end i didn't have really any side effects from the vaccine, just my own darn anxiety. and like yeah my arm was sore for the next day but to be honest i feel just fine.
another thing is ive been meaning to find a therapist and just....havent been that proactive. i quit my second job and told myself i would use that time to get help, but after i quit my second job i started to feel better and less stressed out and put it off, but i know i should eventually...... the 27th of april marks the birthday of one of my best friends, who died too early. she was my best friend for like, 10 years, so i'm still not really over it. it has been....almost 3 years since she died, but i think about her almost every day. our friendship really started because one day in freshman year of highschool i was kicked out of my house, and didnt have anywhere else to go and stayed the night at her place. ever since we've just had a strong bond over our fucked up alchoholic parents and, without her, dunno how i would've survived highschool. i was a big delinquent in highschool (i ran away from home a lot, did lots of drugs..) and struggled a lot with mental health and an abusive household, so she held me down and i was there for her when she was going through some pretty fucked up shit (that i saw first hand.) so when she died it left a pretty big gaping hole in my life. like a big whole chunk of me left with her. a whole other thing is im still in touch with her mom (who was the abuser) and i feel a whole bunch of conflicting feelings there....
anyways, i didn't mean to get sad on main. this time of the year is just kinda hard for me. the good news is i did finally just take some stupid days off for my birthday in two weeks, so that's gonna be nice.
update: oh yeah, a new thing i've been doing is rewarding myself when i made doctor appointments by buying silly little ace figures. HAHAHA so next on my list is the cutest lil cat ace ;_; <3
i got this in the mail the other day! i got him to replace my beloved sesshomaru keychain i lost. :-( he is so funny looking hahaha.
i just really like ace's strong world version.... (♡-_-♡)
since the ps3 store is closing i looked thru all the games and discovered chu♡lip ♡_♡ it looked so cute and charming i got it on the spot. i've been playing it for maybe a week straight. love this game soo much >_<. the goal of the game is to kiss everyone in town. i'm at level 7 (lady killer). i have kissed 26 times in my whole life.
welp, im a total sucker for demon slayer now. i just finished the anime recently.....and started reading the manga not to mention i snagged a pre-order of the nezuko figma (DX edition b/c the regular one sold out, lol. also, the matching tanjiro is sold out too T_T).
im on a midi kick right now, been downloading old midis and also trying to convert songs into midis by going to youtube to mp3 converter >> mp3 to midi converter >> midi to 8 bit via GXSCC with varying success. i think songs that are played on the piano have the best chance of sounding OK through the midi converter, so i've been looking for piano covers.. at some point i'll try to comb through them and post the best sounding ones tehehe.
p.s. the healthcare system in the USA sucks, but i don't have to tell you that. i made an appointment for a check up, and the earliest availability was MAY 26!!! so i took it, but idk.. lmao im feeling so disheartened. i tried to make an appointment to see a dermatologist b/c my ezcema is flaring up pretty badly and i need a refill (changed insurance recently) and was told i need a referral, but to wait 2 whole months for a referral?! i need a check up anyways, cuz i'ts been years, but i think im going to try the hey doctor! app to get a refill in the meantime.. sob sob
slowly updating the webpage ~ made the webring match the site /aesthetic/ and am slowly adding more n more pages. i have lots of favicons to upload and organize and write the dumb code for lol.. also, you may have noticed my website is missing neocities from my URL >_>'' the custom domain was an impulse buy LOL along with a custom domain email, which i have set up as email@example.com >w< wheeee. so cute and smol. other domain candidates were cinni-land.net, or cinni-dream.net, or maybe even cinni-dreamland.net, which are all also cute but the appeal of cinni.net was that it was short and tiny. i love being associated w/ the neocities "brand" but idunooo~ i miss when websites had cute ass domain names ?! like tiny-stars or lucky-kitty or something really sweet and cute. /blab.
anyways i just wanna say i love my boyfriend i love my friends and i love all the really cool nice people ive met on this site ;_; waaahhhhh
watching: it crowd
nyaaahhh~~ added some new pages to the site, also lil' layout update! still in the works though, i want to re-draw elements for it but my website to-do list is sooo long rn.
i started watching demon slayer o_o im about three episodes in. also i finally caught up with my bf on one piece so we watched it together for a bit but then he surpased me again xD GOD its okay tho. i sort of know what happens... >_> <_<
also theres a website that will let you d/l xbox clips easily, you just have to know your handle. which made my life waay easier, because a lot of clips i wanted to archive weren't on my profile so trying to save it to one drive or whatever was sooo annoying. i wanted to make a comp. vid of my favorite clips just for my youtube page, nothing exciting LOL i fully realize no one else but me is interested in watching random jump force clips.. ＼(￣▽￣)／
okay... well here's just one. LOL
okaay...just one more for now >_> this is my faovrite clip of all time skgfdhlgfh;
much love to everyone. xoxo, m
smol life update: this wednesday? i finished up all loose ends at my second job which i quit recently. i was dreading this monday when i was coming in physically to the studio but it was okay. i worked for a married couple (both artists) and spoke w/ one of them just about my mental health, and how im just not doing okay and need a mental health break and that it was nothing personal. she was pretty understanding even tho she was sad and my last day went better than i was expecting. ive been working for them for years, ever since i was 19! (im almost 27 now) so quitting was really hard. x_x i was sooo anxious at first when i told them i was quitting about three weeks ago, but i think i'm okay now. i feel a sense of relief, like i dont have to check my emails in fear, and it's just one less thing to worry about in my life. so im glad i did it....... i was just a mess. this year i want to get on a road to getting better, so im taking small steps. ive been neglecting a lot of things that i want to get back to x_X eep! last weekend i spent like a whole day re-organizing my shelf which i had been putting off for.....yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaars. its always emotionally overwhelming to like, go through my whole life in books, but im glad i did because now my shelf is much better organized and pleasing to look at and i got rid of a bunch of extra baggage.
i also haven't updated this website in a while, but i want to. can't garauntee when it will happen. i kind of dont want to make anything for a few days i just want to take a rest.
following up on my last entry, i think this year im going to get professional help and find a therapist. even though i quit my 2nd job im still anxious because duh, i put in my two weeks and now i actually have to see my bosses next week (bleh) and try not to have a conversation with them about my declining mental health (i just chocked it up to "health reasons"). i think it was just very hard for me to admit i had a problem and need treatment, because it was just easier to keep going and think "this will pass and get better eventually" but in reality i was crying all the time, super depressed and anxious, overworked and burnt out, having physical symptoms (never getting a full nights sleep EVER, started bleeding when not on my period, that kind of thing lol), drinking a lot more, always high, oh and started having some bad thoughts. not to mention i have like no social life (always working). not fun.
so anyways for valentine's day my boyfriend and i went to the city to pick up some magic the gathering cards (got my very own commander deck - green/black elf army babey~) and i got some sumikko gurashi blind boxes (hehe) and just had a nice weekend playing MTG and eating snacks. well it was just nice to get out of the house for something other than work.
ace went grocery shopping with penguin?, tapioca, and ebifurai no shippo
watching: contrapoints playing superliminal
i actually followed up and quit my side job. i spent days agonizing over my email and just sent it tonight. i haven't checked my emails for a response and i kind of don't want to. to try to get my mind off of it i played jump force for a few hours with my boyfriend, but im still sort of anxious. i think ill check my email while im at work so i can be distracted if i get a shitty answer (my thought process).
i continued working on these animations, and i wanted to revisit this animation idea i had a few years ago. i did it for school and always wanted to give it another go. the concept for this was a years-long idea morphed in to many different phases. it started out from a comic (about an ezcema patch on the hand turning into a sentient parasite, because i was dealing with pretty bad ezcema at the time lol), then failed attempt at a game (using rpg maker 3000!) (thought more about nostalgia, coming of age stories, my old neighborhood), then back into another comic (about devils and lesbians), now back at it in a game (full circle). ive been playing around with making games for a while i realized, lol.
maybe unrelated, but i think when i started doing more 3d art i got connected with more artists (on instagram) and have met some really cool people. it kinda like a nice and supportive micro-community. i think what im saying is ive been so appreciative of the positive feedback ive been getting. im so bad at getting back to people (crippling anxiety)
im going to quit my second job this year i swear lmfao this stress is not worth it and i don't really need it. UUUUGH well i wanted to share this animation im working on.. idk i just feel like making cool animations after playing so much jump force LMAO. i think i could make it into an intro scene for my game, thinking about the ones like in gitaroo man?
somehow i GOTTA incorporate this song, because im obbsessed with the cartoony gun sound effect lmaoo.
ok well, im going to try to get some work done for my second job and take a d8 gummy. byee
whats up! it snowed a lot this weekend and i stayed home on tuesday because of it. also my figures from amiami came yesterday! it shipped like almost overnight lol. plx excuse the quality, i took em in a rush
portgas d. ace
all my figures together!
im so sleepy. tata for now.
very rough ideas for UI designs in my game ->> the last image are a set of icons from the polish chat messenger gadu gadu (which i pinkified), which was sort of like aol or msn chat. i was too young and not polish enough to use it myself, but i remember seeing these icons when using my dad’s computer so it’s sort of nostalgic. since the icon is the sun, i thought it would be cute to re-purpose these icons for the weather display! next to a clock, which eventually i’ll turn this a proper weather/time of day display.
i also plan on adding a mini-map feature (which occupies the blank space on the lower left) and so far have added a signifier for your current followers (whoever is accompanying you will have their icon displayed on the upper left.) to be continued…
i just really like the cowprint ace hat, what can i say
late night update ~ i was working yesterday so today was my only day off :-/ i worked on my game all day. here's some wips!
no update in a while. ive been sort of burnt out to be honest and a little bit miserable. ive been working on game projects and making things in blender. check out my game page for some updates ~
other than that, i've been playing a lot of jump force with my boyfriend and i even got the new hiei DLC. d:-9 also, we started watching one piece since my last diary entry (i think) and im maybe 180-ish episodes in.. so maybe thats why i have one piece on my mind when it comes to interior decor. i also just think it's funny to think about my character fangirling over ace (because i love ace).
hope everyones ok. im ok but mostly feeling unfourtunately busy and overwhelmed. i left work early because of the storm. also i came out with a zine! woohoo. it's part of a compilation themed around video games and beautifully risograph printed. i cant wait to get my grubby little hands on them :-)
im working on making my first level in my "game" and have been learning more coding @_@ not my strong suit, but i did make a cutscene and fix a weird problem i was having lol.
unity is fun but hard! tata for now. m
watching: george of the jungle (with brendon fraiser)
i cant believe ive lost in jump force the past two days with my bf. not that im any good to begin with but i usually win a match or two, but the past two days ive been out of my luck ;_; at first we only played when it was on game pass, then when it went off game pass we waited a few weeks for it to go on sale.. so i got the full package w/ all the dlc's for $24 hehe >:-) and my fav new character rn is law...ahhhh i don't even watch one piece but he's my fav rn i looove him.. eeep
ive been feeling so crazy busy that when i do finally have time to myself i fuck off LOL but i have commissions to finish and freelance work i need to catch up on >_< aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... instead im daydreaming about making comics and games and thinking about the universe of the one comic im working on now.. space disaster.. i often write as i go but find it hard sometimes :-P i made a new character in the re-boot (pucci) and i loved her design so much i wanted to incorporate her more in the story lmaoo so ive been thinking about her back-story. her character and design is influenced various factors - i loved narancia's hair from jojo, and the name pucci, and j-fashion in general (like fruits mag), in particular i love early 00's fashion & gyaru - and playing law from jump force too lmaooo so i wanted to design a winter outfit for her, among other outfits.. i haven't decided on the main story for space disaster yet, but if i ever involved combat (i am an ex martial artist afterall.. i have tooo) i think she would do some cool bio-engineering based moves.. what that looks like idk, but i wanted her to be smarter than me and work in tech/science somehow, so i think bio-engineering fits her :-) space disaster is a loose sci-fi inspired by my love for the genre in its many forms~ like cowboy bebop, mystery science theater, pug davis, and sooo on! but i like the idea of sprouts/plants playing a big part - this comic is an excersize in imagining a future in which the environment takes precedence :-P so its fun to think about.. plants being the source of life, inputing a jpeg into a cell's memorie, ya knoow. that junk. idk when i'll have time to work on my comic again though ;_;
i'm totally procastinating today.... latest chapter of jojolion came out and i wanted to do a lil animation >:-) i quickly modeled yasuho (dreading those roses) and her hair was soo fun to do!! it's rigged too and works better than i expected *chefs kiss* i think i might do nijimura next just cause im excited she's back! or paisley park because i love paisley park >:-(.
i was using this pose for reference:
OK back to work ;_;
posting a quick update to vent: lol i fucked up at work yesterday badly and had to cry in the bathroom and then cried the rest of the night because i was sooo freakin' stressed out. today was just damage control and was not as bad but still just a BLEH day >:-( im looking forward to my long thanksgiving break ;_;
edit: well, what happened was that between me and my co-worker we delivered the wrong (2) photographs to our (2) clients (while in a rush to do a lot of fucking work) and ofc. everyone was pissed off at me and i was juggling phone calls with the messenger serivce, driver, client, client's assistant, concierege, and my boss lol all who were very mad at me for the mix up. i was just very stressed and very freaked out trying to make it right.....and of course today we received the one photograph back meant for client #2 and it was damaged SO we have to fix it so of course i had to call client #2 and he was very very upset with meeeeee...........
did i mention i make minimum wage working for the uber rich? the irony is not lost on me. i want to quit so badly but i cant. i am so stressed out all the time and running on 2 brain cells because i dont sleep
every morning is an absolute struggle to get out of my warm bed, out of my partner's arms, heavy like a weighted blanket, and then go to work in godforsaken gentrified soho where i have to hear my boss worry about the virus and wanting thermometers, air filters, and not coming in to work all while refusing the close the business lol. so the rest of us can be sick, yeah? i hate to vent so much here but this is my one space to do it.
ty for the 200 followers on neocities! wahooo. a few days ago i finished my zine and sent the files off to the printer sooo expect it to be available end of this month. yaaay!
this is probably my most complex model yet! today i did the painstaking process of rigging her hair with physics (eugh..) and working on her animation. next is is fine tuning the details (like the hand animation) & properly weight painting the hair
i dont have too much to say except 1. racist trolls can fuck off (lol dumb as fuck) and 2. ive been making more things in blender, see belooooow.
watching: vaush reviewing the debate
i got home and dedicated an hour on some freelance work and am all done with everything ive been sitting on, and im feeling good. i think i'm okay to say this as no one will see this but ive been invited to participate in this cool zine project (!!!) and also virtual gallery project to be released next month-ish. im supposed to make a zine on the topic of video games..heck yea!! it doesn't have to be serious either which is fun. i spent a night just picking out color combos (i went a lil overboard teehee) and sort of finally arrived at a decision. did i mention it's all risograph? i really loove the look of risographs and it's my first time ever getting to work with the medium...
i've been gathering pics of some of my fav games and have come across some crazy cool gems like sengoku turb.. so freakin cool! games aren't visually fun like this anymore.
i've also been thinking about 3d model design and am nostalgic for the look of these low-poly characters, which seemed so simple but effective and graphic. i think about those elements when making my own 3d models and sort of have been moving away from using the subdivsion modifer all the time.
i've been making more complex models lately because its fun but i wanna play around with making more low-poly stuff.
i made these for a unity project ive sort of put on hold until i git gud at c# (wah).
first, some good news: as you may know, i recently joined curina's roster of artists, and my work is included in this neat virtual group show, Unruly Bodies, Unruly Hair... check it out !! well other than that, i feel so overworked i don't really have much to say or much to share...:-( cept that im trying to squeeze in time to draw when i can, and slowly am working on my comics... oh, and i am excited for chapter 101 of jojolion to be release after this two month hiatus *_* not that i can really complain, since i got caught up with it maybe like two weeks ago, LOL. i also am thinking about re-reading part 7 because i really love it so much ;_; i even drew this last week...
brrrrr hope to have some fun stuff to share later..... tata for now.
i had a brief figure collecting hobby in like 2014 and then stopped because i was a broke college student... =w= which is to say i just pre-ordered this gyro zeppeli figure... nyohoo~ ⊂( ◜⌔◝ )⊃
what's up? i feel so crazy busy. so busy in fact, that i cant get anything done...... because i have 0% mental capacity left. i've been into delta8 gummies recently and such a life saver for me lolol. i'm basically just staring at a stack of books i have to scan and archive for my second job but....it daunts me..... why work so much.......
listening: milkcan - make it sweet!
eeeeeeeeeeek! i missed drawing comics so much. during my college years i thought i should stick with fine art and painting, because it could be something i would be good at.. but my actual true love, is animation and comics... >w<
i think i spent the past two weeks working on this very rough draft of the first chapter of SPACE DISASTER? (the re-telling..) and i just finished.. it is based on THIS short comic i did in 2013.. and space disaster has come and gone in many ways but i finally wanted to sit down and commit to writing an actual long form comic like i always wanted >_< i think the inspiration behind space disaster spawned from rebbecca sugar's pug davis, but also my love for sci fi stories like cowboy bepop, mst3k and many others ^_^...
i'm hoping that i could eventually turn this into a printed comic.. that would make me so happy!
also, i've been off this week from work so i'm enjoying my week off FUCKING OFF and doing nothing ^_^ but play skyrim and draw and read manga (i just started jojo part 7 !!!). i'll keep this diary entry short, so tata for now.!!
watching: jojo part 5
long time no update! today has been a rollercoaster of emotion. basically i woke up to an email that dampened my morning.. also work was very annoying today u_u but anyways!!!!!! about two weeks ago a curator reached out to me and long story short my paintings are now available to buy/rent through this online platform called curina! it's local to nyc aaaand i'm soooo excited ^_^ please check out curina.co <3 <3 <3 !!!!
i've done a slight update to my artist website AND to my side project entrance or exit -- i'm still trying to nail down the branding for it =/ ngl, i wish i had a partner for this project because its so much work.. lol to learning html and 3d modeling to video game programming ;_; AND then there's graphic design marketing social media etc etc which i just feel im not ready for yet. i'm just taking my time though. ^^; i want the website to "feel" like a different world, which i'm sort of struggling with how to do so. I spent a day researching y2k web design (but not really that thoroughly), but also based on concepts from memory - i was thinking about skype and msn and windows 7 and 3d-esque buttons, etc, basically opposite to the minamilist flat-design you'll see today. i have a folder of visual references from this time which i might upload someday :~)
besides that i've been missing drawing a lot......i used to draw lots of comics and i'm trying to get back into it. space disaster is a comic i've been working on for eeeeverrr - maybe since 2012. it holds a special place in my heart as one of the first comic series i've done. :-P anyways you can catch my work in progress here. i'll post every now and then. i still have a few pages drafted that need to be drawn digitally - i've been thinking about the kind of stories i'd want to tell afterwards, too. . . .. ... to be continued :^)
n_n im so happeee urusei yatsura has been really active on facebook and uploading all this music i couldnt even get my hands on for so long... as much as i love browsing discogs, having music available on bandcamp is a lot easier and cheaper than shipping cd's from the uk.... i even got a reply on my comment on one of their recent posts ^o^ it feels like a small but dedicated fanbase on fb ~
i've been working more on this model (gifs below). i found this tutorial on YT on hair physics which was kind of complicated and tedious to actually do ;_; but i think the hard work paid off and while it isn't perfect it looks pretty okay...specially for my first attempt at this kind of thing! euughh ive only been using blender since november and there is still so much to learn. but still i am seriously thinking about maybe making it a side job if i build up a portfolio and get some clients ･ﾟ･(｡>ω<｡)･ﾟ･ i need to always be doing something creative, yknow?
work has been OK - literally we haven't had one single vistior since we've reopened. most days are pretty quiet but we've been fortunately doing okay and making lots of sales online... even tho i long for a better job im still just happy to have one thats seemingly stable u_U eeehh... we finally convinced one of our bosses to close for a week in august/september so im pretty excited. ;_; and im kind of thinking of "quitting" my second job, atleast physically..... but i have to think of how im going to do it. im perfectly fine with doing work remotely but the idea of going back to working 6 days a week with NO BREAKS EVER is making me depressed and tired just thinking about it. /vent. anyways me n the boyfriend have been watching jojo n we r on season 3 (josuke) and we're always sending each other jojo memes u_u every morning when i leave for work i put on the jojo op compilation, read the first comment and then laugh.
might i also mention......... i recently got some new guitar pedals - the bd-2 blues driver, a shoe-gazey overdrive pedal, and the totally ridiculous rainbow machine by earthquaker...which i guess is a pitch-shifting chorus pedal IF i had to describe it simply. but really it makes cool weird sci-fy noises and it was sort of expensive but i wanted to treat myself and get myself some cool toys.. anyways i got some daisy-chain thingies and extra cables so now i can connect all my pedals together and i havent tried it yet but ive been meaning to do so - so maybe ill get to it this weekend..
long time no update o_o atleast it feels like it to mee... i don't have much to say this update, other than i just wanted to check in and post about some things. i'm back at work in nyc and getting tested bi-weekly for covid. got my results over the weekend and tested negative, BUUUUT it did take over two weeks to get my results. i went for another test on wednesday, so i don't except to receive them much faster.... i still think being physically in the office is pretty useless, but my bosses are two 80+ yr old women who won't retire...so.. i'm back even if they are in their second homes upstate ;_; might i mention... i am not paid enough for this kind of work, lol. i feel so conflicted because i feel lucky to have a full time job with benefits during a pandemic and economic recession, but it certainly doesn't pay enough...then i read articles about 15,000 art workers in nyc losing their jobs and 12,000 museums across the US closing, and i freak. THEN i think, working in something actually creative, is my true calling and maybe i can do 3d work freelance or full time...tis but a dream. needless to say, 3d exhibitions blew up so fast.
i'm still hesistant to fully launch my virtual gallery though because i truly want it to be more than a typical gallery, my dream is to go beyond the traditional art world and really create a new kind of space. but... there is much to think about. i have a "manifesto" in mind but really no time to ponder it. i can't help but think of how skewed the art world is in favor of the wealthy -- and believe me, i work in a mid-tier gallery, so i am right in the brunt of it ;_;
anyways...its rly late. i've been just working on making models and learning unity and programming etc etc and just gonna dump it all below. enjoy! ^_^
just started this model yesterday, it's a low-poly version of meee o_O body tbd... i gotta say the expressions, even if commical, turned out better than i thought and way better than when i tried to use the facebuilder add-on U_U
some more game WIPS.. but really, i'm still just learning the program, so idk how far this well ever go. either way it's still personally fufilling.
this is about showing off the sounds.. i made them in reaper and was trying to tie all the sounds together by a common thread :-) can you tell? i would love to comission musicians to make music for the game, but to be contineud..
helloooo and welcome to the room tour! ^o^ of course this is a work in progress and as i speak there are many a new furniture to be added.. !
well, thats it. tata for now!
watching: karate kid
OMG! i have to laugh. fergus lawrie from urusei yatsura posted a link to their new music project on facebook and went to listen to the live show here.. and my edited pic of fergus ended up as the backdrop to one of the photos lmao. my influence :-P
my boyfriend and i have been watching jojo lately and we r halfway thru stardust crusaders.. n we like to play jump force w/ dio so in tribute i modeled a jojo cosplay for my characters :-) im making progress in unity.. so now npcs can follow you around ^_^
she was originally blue!
but then i thought the purple was a bit more fitting :-p
i mostly uploaded this demo so my boyfriend could try it out on his own, but my favorite part of skyrim is just exploring around and wanted to recreate that sense in my own "game" :-P programming is so over my head lol i need help.... but i was able to animate materials ! thanks to some code i found :-P
i got one of my freelancer checks in the mail yesterday, so i treated myself to another guitar pedal ^^; (with a discount..) im so excited to try it out. i got the rainbow machine by earth quaker ~ i want to use it with my omnichord >:-) or with my overdrive pedal ^_^. can't wait..
mood: sleepy af
today i played skyrim literally all day. i got up at like, 8am, stayed in bed for an hour, then just played skyrim on the xbox till maybe 10pm or so *_* my boyfriend got me into it and ive been playing for like 1-2 hrs at a time but i think im getting the hang of it and no longer freak out at enemies or in dungeons LOL.
well... not going to lie, it was nice to spend the whole day not on my phone or laptop. just a day for myself. i'm playing as a dark elf with a focus on sneak n magic ^-^ i only cheat a tiny bit because i didn't have the same experience w/ these kinds of games like my bf :-( i haated going into dungeons but now im getting used 2 the gameplay. i think my favorite part is just walking around and deviating from my original plan and discovering new things. =^^= anywhoo.. i'm so tired so imma go sleep. gnite!!
mood: a lil sleepy...
eating: hard seltzer
watching: iceage live
eek! long time no update. my excuse is life is a lil depressing. anyways, i try not to be but i'm so self sabotaging out of habit! yelp. i want to get a new job desperately but my job search came right as a pandemic hit and the arts industry is always fucked the most.. only the elite survive - statistical fact! i have an insanely strange relationship with my professor in which i am her freelance employee but also long time colleague and occasional emotional laborer. i met her when i was 18 and a freshman in college and i impressed her so much she took me in as an intern that summer and ever since i've taken all her classes and have worked for her ever since.. the time has been both very rewarding and insanely soul crushing.. i have cried on the job before and not proud of it. i have such a hard time saying no. so i feel like im in limbo. i work for her and her wife, both prominent artists, on a freelance basis, and while i have respect for them both as artists, some times im so freakin stressed. anyways, this isn't even my full time job. before quarantine i was working part time on mondays on top of my full time, tues-sat job, so as u can imagine quarantine in nyc is a blessing to me... my full time gig is being a gallery assistant for a high end photography gallery.. and for the most part i like my job and my coworkers, but it is by no means a long term job. the pay is so low and it is so freakin stressfull at times... and it's such an entry level job that i wouldnt' grow career wise. the challange has been finding a suitable next job, however. i applied for an administrative job at SVA a few months ago and didnt hear back so :-p idk where to look.. i think i could make a good studio manager! hit me up.. plz.
when i'm not at work i find some time to work on ANYTHING creative.. it keeps me going - whether it's painting, 3d art, coding, or music.. i haven't painted at all since stuck at home until the past weekend. i miss it so much! eek. i feel like i have to play catch up.. but i don't think my time at home was wasted. i learned sooo much about 3d art and coding, which has been so fun. my true, secret, secret love is, however...music.. i've been playing guitar since i was 12-13 and always wanted to be in a serious band. so lately i've been playing more and regaining my calluses back and daydreaming about guitars and pedals and trying to convince my boyfriend to make a band with me >:-) but seriously.. if any gorls in nyc want to make a post-punk band email meeeeeeeeee.
p.s....another update at 11:53pm just to say.. i've been thinking about it and musicians have a special place in my h8rt and i can't explain it. maybe it's because everyone i've dated was a musician, or that kim gordon was right in her book when she said that artists are more logical and musicians are more emotional and therefore can't take criticism the same way.. i relate 2 that. im so much more open as an artist rather than a musician. im so embarrassed to death for anyone to hear my singing, and i don't even write lyrics for that matter.. my boyfriend was an aspiring musician and can sing so well..he hates to ever be sincere, but ive known him for so long and know he has an amazing voice :-( and sometimes i think music is my escape, not art.. idk.. i'd love to be swept away from the art world and join a band..
mood: nice ^^
watching: contrapoints playing the sims
what a chill morning... it's my day off, i got to sleep in, it's quiet and it's a rainy spring morning. i'm having a nice cup of coffee and finishing the 3 hr contrapoints livestream i started last night and feeling nice from the delta8 i got recently.. i also got an email this morning which was making me a lil anxious but i didn't have to deal with it afterall so phew~ not that it's really a big deal, but freelancing for my "clients" just makes me really anxious, LOL. i think i have a hard time saying no..
yesterday after work i actually did some yoga! i also convinced my boyfriend to do it with me since we both wanted to work out more.. and i'm so happy he did it with me and wants to do it again! i used to do yoga a lot but stopped for a few years so i still sort of remembered most of the poses (we were listening to a yoga to the people podcast..they're donation based and i used to go to them in nyc) it helped me de-stress and my limbs are still feeling it the next day :-P
ok.. i'm going to go do some chores and relax. it's a three day weekend for me! woohoo.
listening: my bloody valentine
hey yall. since my last update i turned 26 years old and got my job back. :-P and i "soft launched" entrance or exit (check it out »HERE!!!« ).
if i'm being honest, i like being at home all the time and i don't mind it One Bit. i've been making ice cream - orange and vanilla, then orange again but with improved recipe and next i want to make earl grey !!!!! but fruity flavors are my favorite ice cream flavors...nothing tops cantelope coconut *_* i love my ice cream machine...its my baby.. my perfected orange ice cream recipe is this: 2 eggs, 3/4 c sugar, 1 c heavy cream, 2 c yogurt, and a heaping 1/3 c orange juice concentrate. yum!! it's not icey at all and deliciously tart and creamy.
oooh and yesterday i was daydreaming about guitars and i didn't think pink jazzmasters exist but i found one and its sooo beautiful. i want one soo bad :-( for years i've been using my brother's ephiphone sg but my dream guitar was always one with a whammy like the beautiful jazzmaster. i've been meaning to get myself the squier jazzmaster in sonic blue with the white pickguard but that seems to be sold out atm. and anyways the pink is just such a great colorway. i want to get it and put stickers on it!!!! i just bought a few online from mini super sticker club, shopkawaii, and eyeing THESE! which are especially cool.
anyways, i've been making more models in blender because it's fun to see my ocs in 3d *_* so here u go. dunno what i'll do with them.
i want to play more music..
eating: dill pickle chips
watching: king krule live on the moon
woot! my cbd cartridge came in the mail today and it's my first time trying cbd... after months of no weed it's soo nice to have even cbd ;_; my first impression: the first hit i definitely felt something but it was like a nice relaxed feeling.. like a tiny buzz. i've taken a few hits since i got it and there isn't a high but just a nice relaxed feeling. (i got it from revel valley). im hoping it will help with anxiety and sleep. i was like on the verge of a panic attack last week :-( amid other health scares..o well. it's my birthday tomorrow so my insurance is running out soon and i'm still furloughed. i'm supposed to work part time starting next week once i get my work computer back (and probably don't qualify to get on my job's health plan now ack). i filed for unemployment and after almost two weeks of no phone call what-so-ever i finally called and got in touch with someone so i was finally able to start my weekly claims today it could always be worse. /complain
i came across on instagram this virtual gallery called gmo gallery! and wow it's so cool! i need to step my game up! it's so funny to see all these virtual exhibitions pop up (of course they would) and my virtual gallery is still forever in the works u_u haha but i'm getting there! it's all just me babey. maybe it's time to dust off my artist resources page and give it an overdue update and try to find more of these virtual galleries. ^^
ahhh im so happy that im finally reworking the gallery! it's making me want to re-do everything now re-do uffie's model, make some new logos, and maaaybe even redraw the pixel art on the website? :-? making the art for cinni's dream home inspired me but this is why nothing will ever be done LOL. one thing at a time..
eating: miller lite
wow thanks for all the new followers! i have been very absent from neocities lately so it's a nice suprise
i wanted to give the facebuilder add-on for blender another chance so i retook some reference photos and i think it came out so much better than my first attempt :-D see the before and after below...!
i think the main difference is my reference photos - this time around i took pictures specifically for facebuilder and retouched any loose hairs/jewelry/acne and then looked into making more realistic skin shaders. the first attempt i used photos with my bangs down so it's not as accurate. then of course, i had better luck with hair this second time around. it was giving me such trouble the first time i gave up LOL. i even made eyelashes and eyebrows! i used a free female body asset found online and edited to give it more natural/realistic proportions (and closer to my body) but it still feels off so idk what i'm going to do. the face is rigged too but i'm kind of limited with the facial expressions, since the eyelids are stuck in the neutral position and can't really blink or squinch up like this >:-/ i tried to recreate my profile pic but it didn't really work out lmao. at this point it's been like a few days straight of non-stop working on this model so it's a good time to put it on pause for now lmao.
i want to focus on my virtual gallery project next and hopefully open it up for submissions so i could make a virtual quarantine exhibition???!! but i think i need to brush up on unity and coding... i have a simple camera-following-character and character movement script so honestly thats all i need but it would be nice to add some extra features to have like a pop-up menu for artist info and junk.. to be continued. on my to-do list is to design the actual space and build it and maybe refine the website more. i think it would be nice upon launch to make a lil pdf of the exhibition or even do a mailing! i still want to refine the look of the 3d space too. i think flat-shading will be the best for now as it's much more forgiving and my computer can handle it without unity crashing. i did attempt some hdrp shaders in unity but learning unity's nodes is like learning blender nodes all over again and it's hard to get the shading to look RIGHT sooo.. i think this looks cool given the limitations.
wowie a whole month as gone by and no update. ive been working from home the last month and then all my free time was 100% dedicated to gaiaonline and then working on blender and unity LOL. i stay up every night until 3am working on my projects then get up at 9:50am to start work at 10am. but unfourtunately i've been furloughed today. im not suprised at all but the news still sucks. i worked at an art gallery and sales are like (crickets). ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
in other news i made another model and i've improved alot since my first 3d model back in november !! but i spent like 2 days working on the walk cycle (and figuring out chain physics, which i gave up on and animated the chain by hand) and then accidently deleted it !!!! ;_; i didn't realize until i imported the model into unity and was wondering why i was only getting her idle animation...me cries.. before i do it all over again though, im taking a break and watching more unity tutorials b/c i put in many hours into learning blender but barely any into unity ~ and the shading doesn't transfer over so it's like learning blender all over again .-. i leave you with this walk cycle gif that remains.
watching: kat blaque live stream
week one of quarantine update...i dont go out anyways, so things feel the same in that regard haha. not gonna lie though im already an anxious person so theres a looming sense of doom i've been trying to avoid... thinkin about the health of my (vulnerable) boyfriend and loved ones, finances, etc... a few days ago i was on facetime with my friend whose in ireland atm and *TMI!!!* mid-way i went to the loo and i was spotting :-( which never happened b4. then i was feeling super light headed and had to lay down. so i was kind of freaked in the moment. i feel ok now though, so i think it was just underlying stress ⋋( •́ ∧ •̀ ˵)⋌
so i work a full time job + part time job 6 days a week (and freelance remotely) and im lucky that i'm able to continue working at home and still get paid. and working at home is 100000% better than going into work. but marx was right y'all lol. (\*￣o￣*)> sigh. i feel like i need to make any free time worth it and then feel so bad when i "ruin" it. but then i try to remember that this is only week one and who knows what the future will hold so maybe just work as much as i can. i hope everyone is finding things to do to ease their minds and maybe have time for a hobby or two.
actually, while working at home i've been able to work on my 3d projects :-D i finally made some walk/idle animations for my models AND ive been following unity tutorials on making basic rpg-games so i wanted to test it out with: ISLAND ISOLATION! it's up now on my "virtual-project space" entranceorexit.net (cool name for it, huh).
i have lots of ideas for this website..! i want to add a dolls/pixel/adopt section, or even a dolls maker / room maker or revive some cliques.. i've been surfing old pixel sites on the web archive and it's bringing back memories, LOL. i stumbled upon bubbleshoes.net/teenie_co/ and totally forgot about it but it brought back a lot of memories from when i was a kid. funny seeing all those sites half-empty, because i could vaguely remember surfing them when they were active. ~_~ also on my to-do list is make some custom graphics for cinni's dream home, which who knows when i'll get to it. it took me forever to draw the layout for entranceorexit.net. anyways, i've been working on this doll base and hope to have something fun to share soon. ~
i think i want to work on these dolls more but just gonna post this for tonight...~
i made the apple strawberry ice cream tonight and it turned out so good! :-99. up l8 again...oops!!
another doll for the night.. ~
today i made apple jelly.. and it came out so good! i'm so happy! tomorrow i'm making strawberry & apple ice cream and i needed some apple jelly so i figured i could make some :-9
i'm up late as always... good night!
eating: too much cheese
watching: Pastry Chef Attempts to Make Gourmet Doritos
lemme quickly dump these dolls i made tonight before i go to bed >:3c i've been meaning to make more... the base is the cherry base from pinkland. it's meee
ta ta for now, m
mood: le tired
happy valentines day!
do you remember the quilting bee? i fondly remember this site from years ago when i was a kid. i probably spent so many hours going down a rabbit hole of outlinks. i always wanted to participate in the quilting bee but i was too young really to have my own website. im pretty sure i had a watermelon-pixel themed freewebs site (with a splash page that opened up a tiny fixed-size window..that style was all the rage for cute pixel sites. if you know you know) but i cant for the life of me remember what alias i went by or find it via the internet archive... i used so many different throw away emails before sticking with a consistent aim email address in 2006! (which is still in use for some logins, lol )
i will try my best to remember other websites i loved visiting, but so many just fall out of memory and sadly aren't archived...
looooooooooong time no update. im still alive!! i haven't had much time nor energy to work on this site (life happened). i'm still progressing in blender and learning unity! tiny gif dump below vvvv
i think the look of 3d objects turned to lo-res gifs is very cute and nostalgic. i want to make more for ppl 2 adopt. ALSO!! a demo of my virtual gallery, entrance or exit, is now live »HERE« i still like the pixel version and the 3d version, so ill probably keep both... webGL isn't mobile friendly and i would like it to be accessible.
i have a headache so im going to keep this entry short... ta ta for now!!
watching: the witcher
long time no update!! this year flew by. im a true aries moon in the sense that i engulf myself into new passions and quickly move on to the next.. i've been getting really into blender. i've even been 3d scanning things using meshroom. there's so much to learn and improve in. in the meantime i'm moving out of my studio next week..so sad :'-(
at the moment i've been going in a very colorful direction...
here is a preview of something im very excited to work on... i call her uffie!!
i finally sat down and watched some blender tutorials over the weekend and made my first model. i wanted to try to make my on going project entrance or exit in 3d like i always wanted, but felt too intimidated by it :-p anyways uffie isn't a perfect model and i'm not done with the wings but its pretty close. i think next is going to put on the uv map and maybe learn rigging if i can, lol. anyways im so excited :-D :-D :-D
eating: whiskey ginger
listening: swell maps - jane from occupied europe (still)
i don't know why i don't complain about work more often on my own personal website where no one i know irl will read it. anyways work sucks and out of all the things...the thing that drains me the most is working for the wealthy. i hate it. i can't afford a dentist and i have to hear people complain about their noses or diamond rings or which four-figure photograph to put in their bathroom... therapy for gallery assistants 2019. last weekend was very dramatic and traumatic and long story short the cops brought my grandma (with alzheimers) home (after a fight with my mom which led her to run away) and she's been in the hospital/nursing home this week and my mom is depressed and it makes me depressed and i just want to cry everyday because our family can't afford proper health insurance for my grandma who has dementia and needs 24/7 care and my family has been her caregiver for the last three years and it's been so draining but also not having her home is very emotionally draining.. it's complicated. anyways........
listening: swell maps - jane from occupied europe
i've been discovering and listening to a lot of good music lately.. slint, swell maps, wipers, mission of burma, and found out urusei yatsura came out with much more music than i originally knew about! it's so interesting and im glad to have come across it. i ordered 3 cd's from discogs because i guess im starting a cd collection lol
today was a cool crisp day spent painting at my studio assisting gig. the artist i work for is having a show in the spring so we're making work again! except she was away most of the day so it was just me and another assistant quietly painting and listening to wnyc and casually chatting lol.
my other day job (as a gallery assistant) is going to be interesting this week while the folks in charge are away in paris for a fair. im hoping for a very quiet week without a crisis
i am very happy with how this video came out and want to make more stuff.. after gowanus open studios i got all pooped out and didnt go to my studio for like two weeks, but now i am feelin creatively buzzed again.
mood: a little stressed lol
eating: coffee with macadamia nut milk :-)
listening: puzzle - captivating individual
i like when things go unexpectedly in my favor, for example, not having to go work at my part-time gig this morning :-) i have a studio visit at 3pm so i really need all the time to prepare!! lol. its 9am as we speak and im planning to leave for my studio around ~10am so i get there at 11am. my work has been going... okay. i still have a hard time narrowing down my thesis but in response to that i've just been making a lot of work. yesterday i spent all day prepping canvases which was a whole endeavour lol. my paintings have evolved and now im using pouring medium on all of them. i love pouring medium lol.. its so gloopy and messy and requires a lot of paitence but it makes such a nice slick clear layer to paint on top of *chefs kiss* and ive been adding color to it so its like layers of sheer color.. so yummy.
my favorite thing to do lately in the mornings is a wake n' bake with a coffee and milk.. so nice. anyways, gonna go get ready 2 leave the house. i leave yall with this painting duo i finished? yesterday =^..^=
mood: sad and sad
eating: french fries and wine
listening: my own recordings (lol)
so today (yesterday) is national coming out day AND the day my best friend died. for whatever reason i thought it was a few days ago but it was actually today. anyways you don't have to ask yes im sad as shit. i miss her everyday and she was queer as heck and helped me realize i was also queer as heck. my other half for 10 years.... sorry im so sad all the time but this has been a difficult time for me. my other best friend is in ireland and im pretty much alone without my boyfriend. im still in grieving m0de i guess. be kind to one another because you don't know whats going on in someone's life. peace out
eating: orange juice
listening: cap'n jazz
oooh cap'n jazz is so good. ive heard of them years ago and never game em a listen!!. i've been listening to a lot music -- lately it's the garden/puzzle/enjoy/remo drive circa 2014-15/emo etc, and wishin i could make my own music i have some gear on my wishlist and im soo tempted to get some guitar pedals.. i feel so limited because i can't play the kind of music i want to make . i loove the kind of distorted/feedback/noisy sounds from bands like sonic youth & my bloody valentine.. :-3
eating: homemade perogies
listening: youtube drama
hey yall long time no update......i feel so bad i havent been able to update this website with new content....but life gets in the way as u know . im currently gallery sitting as part of my volunteer shift for my residency (that's still going on!) and later im going stop by the new york art book fair . so what's going on in my life? weeell work is okay, my art has been..whatever lol (realizing various deadlines are coming up and i should buckle down eeek! i been slacking), my boyfriend just started a new job which is both exciting and scary. it's a significant salary-upgrade but with that comes with new stress o_o! last night he was having another panic attack while in a cab going to my house and i was on the phone with him the whole time trying to calm him down :-( i had just gotten out of work and had to wait like 30+ mins for an express bus home and he kept wanting to go to the hospital.. luckily my mom was home to help him out and he was able to calm down finally. not a fun time overall.
this residency has been cool but to be honest i was sort of painting kind of aimlessly so while i was having lunch at work yesterday this idea came to me like a lightbulb coming on. im really into the idea of loss and memory and archiving and using painting as a way to "preserve"... for a while i was painting scans from FRUiTS magazine which was fulfilling for a while but i lost momentum and need to regroup my thoughts and reflect before i go back to the series. the internet (and technology) has in a way played a part in my practice even if not evident at first. i think it's because of growing up with the internet while it was still this new frontier (and very different from now) and experiencing first hand how quickly technology advances and also deteriorates. my family still has all our vhs tapes and hi8 camcorders and they hold all these precious memories that are in constant danger of being lost due to obsoletion.. that kind of anxiety is always on my mind. we can clearly see it with dead links and the death of geocities. as amazing as the wayback machine is, it still has a lot of holes. the internet DOES indeed forget.
that idea has been the thread between the different series i've painted. while in school my work was more self reflective and i was shooting videos of my life on a hi8 camcorder and painting stills from it. before that i was using google maps to revisit the neighborhood i grew up in and lived in for 18 years before we were kicked out of our apartment by the co-op. when i did the series, you were able to go into google map's time machine and see how the neighborhood looked in 2008. i think i tried to do this recently and was heart broken to find out I can only go as far as 2011??? the decay of memory on the internet is FAST. anyways, this is a series i always wanted to revisit. however im losing track. the idea that came to me like a light bulb turning on was about taking the pieces of whatever was left on geocities via the wayback machine and preserving them for my own archive.. i found so many amazing personal websites (as u neocitizens would know) that just don't exist anymore. ive been thinking a lot about the centralization of social media and the internet in general. anyways..i have some thinking 2 do. time 2 gather up resources.
eating: another margerita
listening: mom jeans live on audio tree
at the same time, dudes suck and i can only be friends with fellow lgbt folk :-| see xhibit a: all my friends are not straight
even my boyrfirned, of 5 years, is bi, like me .. .
okay, after thinking about it more, i shouldve realized it was more of a date situation and i shouldve been more upfront about it beforehand... too late i guess lol... i just feel so bad for the guy because our studios are in the same building and ill inevitabley run into him again lol. u_u im doooomed
listening: 2015 remo drive
the other day was so freakin weird i wish i had someone irl to talk about it with.. but alas.. here i am thinking i could make new friends from my residency program but this dude i thought i was platonically going out to drinks with obviously thought it was a date and when i casually told him i had a boyfriend things got sooo awkward. . . i shouldve had known better in hindsight but i've been burned before by dudes who pretend to be my friend in hopes they get to go out with me and i was just hoping that this time... years later.. as an adult.. i could just hang out with a dude as a friend.....:-( is this endeavour just pointless?? my one best friend died last year and my other best friend is in a different country miles and miles away for grad school.. i was just hoping to make new friends :-( ...
listening: *the 100 plays in the background*
long time no update!! i've been in hawaii the past week and have been loving it :-D i dont wanna leave!! i will update with more details and pics once i fly back home teehee.. i surfed and hiked and snorkled and got sunburned and stung by jellyfish and saw dolphins and maybe a tortoise? ? and even a pet surfing competition :-D its sooo insanely bootiful here. to be continued..
listening: fall out boy - sugar we're going down
im so happy im going to hawaii soon! i was able to take off work on our last day before we close for renovation teehee :-) ive been thinking about music a lot and i wish i was a more committed guitar player lol... but without further ado
my recent music favs:
1. remo drive
their album greatest hits can do no wrong. i love every song on this guy. hits the right emo feels and guitar fuzz. tbh i dont care for their latest album but this one smacks. have many songs on repeat. i even learned one on the guitar. how do i make music like this? i love it
favorite songs: name brand, yer killing me, strawberita, art school
2. urusei yatsura
equally as good. more pop and more guitar noise. i also love this band to death and have painted the guitarist over and over. so dreamy. also, how can i be in a band like this? lo-fi and poppy and the right amount of 90s y2k nostalgia. the soundtrack to an alternative universe flcl.
favorite songs: plastic ashtray, phasers on stun, first day on a new planet, kewpies like watermelon, slain by elf
3. superchunk what a pleasant suprise to still find music like this. in a cooler timeline im a skater chick listening to this in the 00's with posters up on my bedroom walls with a hot myspace page. sometimes a song just tugs on my heartstrings like a sappy lovesick desperado.
favorite songs: detroit has a skyline, slack motherfucker, cast iron
4. iceage a band whose sound is constantly evolving. post-punk and lovesick and urgent and like a sloppy younger me but, cooler and wears a suit and reads poetry. again, how do i make this kind of music? fast paced and full of energy. another band who was on constant repeat. my thoughts on their newest album? i really like two or three songs, but the rest are just okay. i find i prefer a band's younger discography. it's fresh and raw. still an amazing band that i would love to see live. again, the singer? so dreamy. this music makes me feel things.
favorite songs: you're nothing, rodfaestet, ectasy, morals, you're blessed, thieves like us, catch it, beyondless, painkiller
5. fall out boy a freakin classic. i remember in middle school watching their music videos on mtv and i'm still singing my heart out to sugar we're going down years later. it's the band that binds me and my friends together. i love that my boyfriend and i can sing every song together from under the cork tree. it's about being a dork and being true to your feelings and being vulnerable. so dang freaking catchy and poppy and emo and makes me nostalgic of myspace and being a scene kid and chilling with my best friend. i dont care for their later work but their first three albums have my heart forever. i can't deny it. ill always be a 2000's emo kid at heart.
favorite songs: xo, nobody puts baby in the corner, dead on arrival, sugar we're going down, my heart is the worst kind of weapon, a little less sixteen candles a little more touch me, the whole evening out with your girlfriend album lol
guided by voices - game of pricks sounds like a daydream. i've covered this song. my boyfriend and i love it and i could play it on repeat all day..
the garden a recent discovery.. fresh, funny, contemporary, catchy and if mac demarco was a juggalo. music being made now is so cool? how do i find more like this?
projekt a-ko unfourtunately that haven't taken a hold like urusei yatsura had. feels less punchy and catchy. still has some golden moments like in nothing works twice. sonic heaven to my ears.
modern baseball three cheers to the emo revival! but i think this band is no longer active..which is unfourtunate. they have some killer tunes and would love to hear more boppers.
well i booked plane tickets to hawaii for later this month! :-D i waited until the very last moment lol.. but my job is closed for two weeks for renovation & ill be visiting my brother who is moving out of hawaii at the end of the year & my mom also booked tickets so it was like.. a triple sign lol. but my flight overlaps with the last day of work so im going to request that day off and hope i get it >-<''
today i am volunteering as part of my residency program. it requires me to gallery sit for three hours. as i type i am 20 minutes away from the end of my shift. it was very boring
i spent the morning cleaning my room, getting rid of junk and dusting all my shelves.. i didn't cover all that much surface but it's a little more organized :-) hehe.
after i leave im going to pick up some snacks and beer and go shower and finish cleaning my room!! can't believe this weekend went by already.
listening: system of a down - chop suey
eeeks! it's already the end of july. hope it was a good one!!
eating: spicy tempura seeweed
listening: *youtube plays in the bg*
i had a nice chill sunday. i woke up around 10:45am, went to my studio for a few hours, then i walked ~15 mins to sunrise mart for snacks (it was sooo nice out!) and then before getting on the bus home i grabbed some crispy tofu takeout! it's my go-to lately and i saved some for lunch tomorrow :-) i wanted to spend some time on pampering myself today so i went home a little early and i took a nice shower, slapped on a sheet mask and did my nails!
i miss drawing and comics have been on my mind lately so while in the shower i was daydreaming ideas!! back in 2016 i made a one-shot comic to submit for lilies anthology and while i wasn't accepted i've always wanted to re-do it and expand on it!! anyone else always want to retell the same story in a thousand ways?? i was drawing this one sci-fi comic for a while and i always end up re-doing it..lol. but i just wanna draw cute romance/slice of life comics with demon girls :-)
another shower thought i had was to make a fashion based zine? i've been digging into 90s-00s fashion archives/magazines for my art practice for maybe the past two years and the y2k resurgence is alive and well...which i can be fully sentimental about since i was a wee ol tween during that period and very much remember consuming many magazines during my formative years. my lo-key fav fashion youtubers are ppl like internet girl, rian phin, kailee mckenzie. and im loving what kiko mizuhara is doing with her office kiko brand (also ive been a unif fan for many many years). the concept for my monthly zine could be like 3-4 "personalities" who feature media/things they like, outfits they put together, and whatever else! short interviews, drawings, and maybe stickers. would that even be logistical? i just want to make something cute and enjoyable and share content with others!
well okay, i'm going to go wind down for the night
i should be sleeping but here i am!! hello! i was able to get a few hours in the studio in despite my slight hangover and sleeping in late :-) the start of my residency is coming up with our first meeting on wednesday.. i need to prepare my lil artist slide!
ann demeulemeester spring/summer 1999
so this skirt i ordered online came in the mail today and i think i will return it :-( bummer! it's nice but it's a lil see through and the color wasn't what i was expecting! anyways i don't love it so no reason to keep it..
but in better news i finally was able to grab a shirt i've been lusting after for years! it's the anna sui x opening ceremony top that i saw in store like...3 years ago and i didn't get it then but it's been on my mind since and i've even featured it on my comic characters! i've come across it once on depop and waited too long to get it and that was like maybe a year ago lmao. anyways its finally in my hands. lucky me :-)
i want to make comics again...haha
eating: miller high life
i'm on a 4 day weekend break!! woohoo!! yesterday was super fun my friend and her mom came over for a bbq with my family! i made a lemon froyo and it was soo good. then my boyfriend came later and we all watched the fireworks on tv and hung out. also i got into petz again.. i'm so happy the community online is still thriving cause that's what made me want to play again! i played catz 4+5 as a kid and i loved it soo much. i can't believe some of the websites i used to visit are still up. i even remember using petz workshop to make my own breed files! i tried to do that today but for some reason i can't get my files to show up in game..hmm lol. anyways im so obssessed with this breed called trinket i got from VPZ Research Center. below are some pics of my two cats syd and glitter!! hover for descriptions!
listening: unif radio
hi!! i wish i had something to post about but i've been a lil uninspired this week!! yesterday i went to my studio for the first time in a week and i just spent a half hour goofing off and then i went home. lol
and today i was planning to go to my studio for the day, then my boyfriend wanted to go to pride(we're both bi!)....and then we slept in and didnt go so because i was so freakin bored and can't stand not doing anything i decided to learn reaper, a free/cheap DAW (digital audio workspace) and oh my gosh is it soooo much better than audacity. it's not too difficult to learn and i've tried it out with live guitar playing & making drum tracks already. its soooo cool and handy! comparing the two programs is like microsoft paint vs. adobe photoshop. i'm excited to use it more in the future! i've always dreamed of having a lil music production workstation when i move out to my own place..
so i'm actually coming in to work tomorrow (monday) when i'd normally be off because i'm helping my boss out with a pretty important meeting. o_o we're having a meeting with one of our photographers and like the biggest deal in the art world. like im talking about *uber* rich art patron w/ connections to art museums here in nyc. it's wild lol. but then i'm working tuesday and wednesday and then we're having a 4 day weekend!!! and THEN we're switching to our summer hours so i'll be working monday-friday like normal people lmao. ahh... did i mention i finally got paid for 6 months of freelance work on TOP of my full time job? working in the arts is both rewarding and a freakin struggle...
eating: ice coffee
listening: projekt a-ko
guess what! my cd came in the mail yesterday. after some hiccups with trying to rip the files (i lack a cd drive, my boyfriend's laptop had a lot of issues with music programs lol..) i borrowed my dad's external cd drive and ta-da!! here is projekt a-ko's album yoyodyne for u all in a zip! this was my first time hearing the music sans one song. here is my review: this album is very much a continuation of the previous band urusei yatsura (which features the same three members) but with some slower tunes thrown in. it still has that dreamy disorted guitar sound a-la sonic youth/my bloody valentine/dinosaur jr and riffs that just stick in ur head.. i've been relistening to this album a few times over and while not all songs are winners imo im glad i took a chance and got to uncover some otherwise lost music.. enjoy!
i've been listening to a whole lot of urusei yatsura lately..like, it's all i listen to. lol and i've made other new discoveries like superchunk and ovlov... but i learned that urusei yatsura formed another act called project a-ko and it has been SUPER difficult to find any music from them ;_; besides this one youtube video.. their myspace is unfourtunately moot but not all is lost because i tracked down literally the only cd available for sale on discogs and promptly swiped it. so now its on my way from the uk and it's now my duty to share it with the world:-) thanks myspace for destroying archives of underground music:-(
speaking of archives my laptop is scarily filling up with space ALREADY! after one stinkin' year. so i ordered an external hardrive and will finally work on creating my own personal archive..
anyways, here's some recent snapshots of what's been going on in my studio!
eating: seltzer water
listening: n/a (sailor moon plays in the bg...)
wow what a nice day!! i was planning to go to my studio straight after work but i got a message from the group chat that my friend was having an opening tonight and it was very last minute...but of course i had to make it!! so instead i spent all night w him which i dont regret at all :-) some pics below.. <3 <3 <3
his work was at shin gallery in nyc (on orchard st) for this week! i met him back in 2016 when we did a residency together and he ended up going to yale for grad school and he just graduated and im so proud of him!! :-D here we r together at a bar called boys don't cry...hehe
listening: never meant - american football
ive been enjoying the pigura doll base from pinkland lately :~) this time it's a lil me! hehe
i wore this outfit the other day for south brooklyn open studios~
featured: my new top from mango, staatsballett pants, and good ol vintage doc's made in england!
listening: paranoid - the dickies
morning neocities! i am writing to you all from my phone (lol). i’m currently on the bus going to work.. ive been so busy the past week! im trying to squeeze in studio time after work but i can only manage 1-2 hrs before it gets too late... i dont exactly live very close to my studio but its as close as itll ever get in new york city lol
im participating in south brooklyn open studios tomorrow! so that will be fun and motivate myself to get in there before noon... since ive barely made anything in the week i was there im bringing some works from home to help fill the space!!
what a sleepy yet eventful day! im all moved in to my studio and have started prepping some canvases:-) it still looks pretty bare..but it won't be long before ill be hanging up paintings on the walls. see pics below!!
studio selfie time! we went to home depot to pick up a few more things and i got this mirror lol
eating: grape candy and asahi (i finally went to the new sunrise mart in brooklyn and wow is it huge!!)
listening: nothing o_o
happy june!! i didnt plan on moving in to my studio until tomorrow but i couldnt help myself and went in there to pick up my key and check it out and also get used to entering the building (u need a code) and funny enough i totally couldnt figure out the code until someone helped me LOL. what happened was the code was written like #1234 and i didnt think i had to press the pound key...im so dumb lol. gawrsh im soo freakin excited tho to have my very own studio..after all these years u_u. its small but i think it fits my current needs perfectly. so tonight im gonna get all my things in one place and tomorrow my dad will help me move since he has a car and can drive and i cannot :-).
AH!! ♡♡(•͈⌔•͈ ⑅)♡
eating: too much food!!!
listening: sailor moon
ive been watching sailor moon all day lol. i also made this doll using a base from pink land! i couldnt decide on the shorts... but these r fun to make:-)
i want to add a page dedicated to dolling but maybe once i get more content.
another update just to share this video i made the other night :-) i miss making videos and i want to make more... u can view a compilation of my stuff on my artist website (michelleselwa.com) and my latest video here AND on my instagram (but edited) heree.
i like the combination of music + video like the way pipilotti rist does it and that one video im obssessed with (here) by cecilia condit.. i always wanted to make a musical but that feels like a big project beyond me.. but never say never!
maybe in my new studio i can have a lil set up.. i mean, ive got a green screen & even one studio light (lol) so maybe look out!!
hi neocities! wow what week. i was super moody on my last post. but tbh im just not having a great week LOL work is just getting me down (one mistake and disaster after the other...) but anywho- i got my ultrasound results and everything is fine!! we made an appointment anyways just for a second opinion but that is a relief lol (also..my doctor is so nice!!). also i THOUGHT i was done with the dentist but sike ive got like two more appointments...pray for my wallet.......... -_- dont be like me..i havent seen a dentist in like 4 years and now im paying for it big time (i dont have dental insurance tho so can u blame me health care is stupidly expensive and it wasnt until my new job that i can afford it..)
anyways even tho work will be the death of me im gonna have a wine and relax with my boyfriend who is finally off and i finally get to spend time with him so im just gonna try 2 chill out. the office decided to take off on saturday so itll be a fun long weekend and ill be hanging with my brother :-) :-) :-)
eating: cheese string
listening: sailor moon season 3 dub in the background
i should really go to bed but i haven't had a monday off in like a month ashffgjk and in the morning i have to go to two dr appointments which i am really not looking forward to lol...
(tmi) i have an ultrasound appt which will prolly turn out ok but i cant help but be anxious....my best friend very recently passed from cancer and she was only 24 and im obviously still very sad about it and i miss my boyfriend and i think i just want attention :-( in better news my older brother is visiting from hawaii!! so that's been fun since we barely get to talk and meet. anywho wish me luck :-( :-( :-( after my radiology appt im going like..straight to the dentist for my last (supposedly) appointment which is costing me over $700 out of pocket ashfghk..... and after paying for my studio im so broke this month.eeeeeeeeeek
wow!! whoever linked to this site made my day.. this is so funny check it out:
this painting turns 3D like so
i could do this all day...
in other news, i made a new painting today and i wanted to play around with ............color,......form...words are losing me. i took influence from marlene dumas and anthony cudahy. maybe even put hito steryel in there only because i spent forever reading her book and her words are lodged in my brain now.
walter van beirendonck..f/w 1999, 9x12'' acrylic on panel.. i love walter van and his line wild&lethal trash..one day i will find a piece for me on ebay..
when i moved from an apartment to a house i left roaches behind but now my new enemy is... ants. and carpet beatles. and wasps. :-|
happy mothers day if you celebrate it! i got my mom a lil gift and we had pancakes for breakfast. then i found ants crawling on my window sill and THEN a carpet beatle! i have been at war with carpet beatles for years now ever since i found them nesting in my paintings that i stored under my bed. now theres nothing under my bed. that's also when i made the switch from painting on canvas to panel . but every now and then i find a lil bugger crawling..they drive me crazy
anyways this was such a weird BLAH week! i mean it wasn't all bad but i got sick with a cold and was out of work for two days and i went back to work on saturday to find out that.. i didn't miss much lol. oh well!! im going to rest up today because im working my freelance gig tomorrow and also going back to the dentist..eeeek
yesterday was my birthday and i had so much fun! i had dinner with my boyfriend and it was delicious and then we hung out with friends afterwards at the bar and pizza shop and maybe stayed out a little too late lol! i am a little nauseous rn but not terribly hungover so thats good.. also that morning i went for a (tmi)breast exam and will have to do an ultrasound for a lump:-( but lets hope its benign! i feel like i have been juggling doctors visits and freelance work on top of my full time job this month.. but also!! i just put down the deposit for my new studio!!!:-D i get to move in as early as june (rent-free!! my residency is technically july-december but they are able to offer one month free this cycle) and i am soo excited. the space is neat - it comes with a kitchen and lounge area and an outside space. my studio is 8x10ft which was the cheapest private studio i could get but i think the size is just fine for my practice. anyways the residency also comes with cool perks like monthly group meetings and open studio nights and workshops and etc etc
ok now i have to get ready for work lol!
eating: frozen smoothie
the climate crisis has been getting to me real bad lately...... today i wrote a letter to my congressman urging to support the green new deal but it's only a start. i was dissapointed to find out he wasn't in support of AOC (because i voted for him! it was the first time my district turned blue since 2008 and i live in NYC :-/ ). also today i opened up a robinhood account after my boyfriend kept urging me to (i was using other robo investors) and i promptly invested in some green energy etfs.....aahh.. the sense of urgency is unreal.. i also made my first painting in over a month, i've been too occupied with neocities and music. tomorrow i'm going on a tour to look at some art studios... i got into this residency in brooklyn and it'll be the first time i had a studio since 2016 lol. keep on fighting the good fight and organize. individual action won;t fix the environment. peace out.
good morning neocities. in a few hours i will be going to my dentist appointment for a check up. im guessing i will need to have a few root canals done :-( yes i know that sounds bad. yes it's been years since i last went to the dentist. yes i also have no dental insurance
my resolution for this year was to take care of my health. after i fix my teeth im going to do a round of check ups.. go to an ob-gyn, get my blood tested..the works! please keep me in your thoughts that i have nothing serious </3 </3
hey yall whats up!!!!!!! the other day i had my aura photographed in chinatown and then had it translated to me - the cloud above my head was a purple blue and it meant i had a lot of things on my mind and not so much focus. basically the jack of all trades when it comes to my interests and not enough resources or commitment to do them all lol. i had such an eventful and incredible week - I caught up with old art friends from school and past residencies and did lots of fun stuff!!!!
during my vernisage in chinatown i took my friend to bluestockings and picked up Hito Steryel - Duty Free Art: Art in the Age of Planetary Civil War. I'm maybe halfway through and wow its a read.. I highly recommend if you are into technology&art&institutional critique and how url seeps into IRL. what i kind of like is that hito speaks more broadly of the use of images in our lives that aren't neccessarily in an "fine art" context.. sometimes her writing is a little dense but its worth getting through it:-) if you are unfamiliar w her writing my no.1 recommendation is In Defense of the Poor Image. I maybe read it once a year
i haven't been upkeeping with this site as I wanted to but forgive me !! i can't do it all.
wow!!! today makes it a month since i last updated. i've actually had this tab open for like two WEEKS before i actually sat down and wrote some content so what's new with me? hmm so work has been going okay - can't really complain :-) some days are funny and chatty and some days are so packed-full of busyness that..i forget to eat lunch but maybe the gallery assistant life is perfect for an artist who requires financial stability but enjoys variety in her days..? hm. if you didn't know, i babysat part-time before i took on this job, which i loved but it very tiring as i made barely anything!! it's been almost 2 months now and ive been saving like crazy. like. trying to make up for having no-salary forever i've been saving about a two-thirds of my paycheck (1/3 of that gets invested) so that hopefully by 6 months or so i'll have 10k in savings. i think a lot about how to budget my money because i want to be as prepared as possible for when i move out! except there are things i dont account for, like groceries or utilities, that im not accounting for in my budget because rn im saving money for those big upfront costs like FURNISHING!!! and actually moving out!!! lol. so in a sense i would be putting aside the same amount of money?? hm.. idk! sorry but i like to talk budgeting because im a taurus and i like security.>:-) also i decided that i cant have a studio unless i get a raise. which is sort of on the back of my mind because once i hit three months employment..i can start negoiating pay........
the time is..10:22! it's getting really close to my bedtime. i wish i had updated more often as i want to make more records of my days. one of my goals for 2019 is to make a digital archive of aLL my stuff so far..making backups of everything that will be safe and accessible for years to come..:-) which means a lot of organizing!! and i have to buy a harddrive but this is something i have my heart set on<3 it's one of those personal projects i want to complete before i move out..
*apparently the last time i updated was 10 years from the future* the goal for 2019 is MORE STICKERS! a whole book of lisa frank stickers are cheap and replaceable so theres no excuse to savor those cute lil stickies. DO IT!
good morning everyone!
i am sneaking in a quick life update.. i am actually leaving for work soon but i have a couple of minutes to kill :-)
what to say? the days have gone by quick i totally missed my opening reception, but i spent the night with friends anyways so it was a good saturday!!
and work is going okay..im definitely getting way more used to it than i was at the beginning. its either crazy hectic or theres nothing to do! anywho.. i also got my first real paycheck and that was nice i am in super-saver mode to have a big ol emergency savings! me n my partner are working torwards getting our own place and i am sooo happy okay okay i know i barely have made time for personal projects but !!!!!! i want to change that soon. i hate making the excuse of "i'm so busy" because with a full time job now this is my new normal.. so i should make art regardless! atleast that's what i think. im super happy im working in my field but really it's a backup job for when i make it big-time as an artist!! i know you guys feel me..
okay, it's getting close to 8:30! gotta go!
it's sunday!! whoo!
it was so nice to finally sleep in! lol. work is going okay i guess..still a lot to get used to. next week im on my own for the first time :-/ i think i will be okay. i spent the last two days installing my work for a group show! yesterday in particular i was chugging my big heavy paintings around.. so my arms are in pain! lol. i didnt get it hang it like i wanted to (not enough time to fix things, etc) but whatever i took some pics though!!
some of my 8''x10'' paintings!! i do all of these on panel and i really like how they turn out!
these were a little more work to put up.. this wall can't take nails (brick!) so everything had to be hung by string... not the easiest to install
as you can see... a mess lolol
it turns out the reception will be next week. i like having something to look forward to after work
have a good day, everyone!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you are reading this, CONGRATS!! you have recieved 5,000 good luck
may everyone's wishes and dreams come true, may you kick ass in the new year and i wish happiness for you all
in memory of tia (4/27/94 - 10/8/18) R E S T . I N . P E A C E my best friend for 10 years. in one year we went from spending the night out, to your cancer diagnosis, to your passing away. thank you for being my friend all these years. i miss you and i love you.
hello! this is my first entry!
today I have the day off, and tomorrow is my second day of work at my new job!! not going to lie, i am pretty nervous still..
the environment is very different from my past jobs! it's super busy and on a much larger scale. I have a lot to learn from the person I am supposed to replace.. but she's only been there for
two months so I will probably come across things she didn't do!! can you tell im an anxious person ? I want to do really well at this job! it's my first full-time salaried job and that means me and my boyfriend can finally get a place of our own. it's something i have been really really looking forward to time to start saving big-time!! anyways, what to do on my day off? first, shower and then work on this website(it's a fun hobby!), and maybe get some painting done ? it's already 1pm as of writing this, so I can't procastinate too long.. we slept in today b/c of the holidays but i do have to get up early tmrw since i live so far away from work
don't get me wrong, i am very excited for what the future may hold!! also, I am participating in a group show here in nyc opening on January 4th!! stay tuned for more details