2021 / 2020 / 2019

time: 2pm
drinking: cawfee
eating: cool ranch doritos
listening: i against i - bad brains

here's a pic dump~! (read top down first then left to right)

part of a comic idea i had that might not make sense to anyone else but me it's a retelling of a recent magic game i played where we all died at the hands of a man with just lands. devastating.

another idea i had for some time but finally drew out.. it's a scene for my comic, which i am redrawing as single panels instead of composed pages. it's easier for my brain this way sdgdfgs

i got some stationary! some blue bear paper refills from morning glory and a bunch of deco stickers for this tiny pocket binder ^-^ i also got some pink & blue erasable pencil lead for the respectively pink & blue mechanical pencils..

- m

time: 9pm

just came home from the hospital not too long ago. my grandma just died after some time of not doing so well. i was on my way to the hospital with my dad but she died as soon as we left the house. my mom showed me a video of her vomiting a pool of blood and plus seeing her dead body in person was hard to look at. we're having the funeral later this week. second one within two months and the third family death this year. in three weeks will be 4 years since my best friend died too.

time: 4am
drinking: n/a
eating: n/a
listening: accident prone - jawbreaker

dear diary, the good news is i found some extra weed as i was about to smoke my last bowl w_w the bad news is i feel so awfully bleh and blah and waaah lately. the exception was on sunday when i went to an mtg draft with my partner and his friends to play the new dominaria pack and it was really fun. i lost both tournaments i was in but i got a default win by being the odd person out one round (there was an odd number of players sooo) bwahahaha. everyone i met was really nice tho, i was kinda anxious my first match because i only ever played with my partner haha. afterwards we all went out for food and drinks and came home before it stormed.

too bad later that evening i was playing dominoes with my partner, my dad, and my uncle n aunt (who i havent seen in over a decade), and my uncle started getting into a big argument with my dad over the rules, since we couldn't really remember what they were all at once. it was kind of insane and i'm still in disbelief. my uncle had taken the game really seriously and got super defensive when it wasn't going his way to the point of like, storming out the house. they even got personal and brought me into it n how my uncle never let me win games as a kid either. it was so fucking bizarre n my partner and i are still processing it i think Q_Q like if this is the reaction over a casual game where nothing fucking matters then i dont want to be around at all....lmao

not much else to say other than i am also processing being ghosted by a friend and it hurts T_T fuckin rip. i ordered some pink holographic card sleeves for my new deck and my partner and i are going to his friends house to play more mtg next week..

time: 4am
drinking: n/a
eating: n/a
listening: n/a

i went to visit my old neighborhood where i grew up in. hadnt been there in well over 10 years maybe, despite it being not too far away. so many new condos and buildings that dominate the skyline. my current passion project game, jade's town, is based off this neighborhood. i moved right before a hurricane hit in 2012, but thanks to google maps i can revisit that time (though they removed 2008 snapshots and i am still bitter about it). the textures and references for buildings are taken from different timelines, and the map is not a 1:1 but just an amalgamation of the best parts. i like to compare it to memory and how our recall of a place is not entirely concrete but in bits and pieces. i switched game engines and am now using godot, so i am re-learning shit all over again lmao. i had been thinking about switching over to godot for more long term projects but will still need unity to finish up the next entrance or exit...soon!! ahh!!

i had also been updating my gemini webcomic which is based on the same universe as the game...i think they are just two different ways to tell the same story. im still working it out in my head. >_> i also have a copy of the gemcomic in html. w/o revealing too much, i think overall its a story about loss. i have lots of ideas but its just about learning how to code so i can do them all ;_____; mehhhhhh. though revisitng some nostalgic places today made me feel reinspired. like...i got to remember what being at the beach was like, and the scary bridge that is barely holding together. i tried to take as many pics as i could, since googlemaps can't capture it all :p

i had more i want to talk about, but im honestly so tired i might pass out. so ill end it here!! TTFN(ta-ta for now)!!


time: 4:00am
mood: contemplative
drinking: n/a
eating: n/a
listening: my bloody valentine & title fight

yesterday was such a long day T-T friday night i went to my cousin's wake, then saturday i got all of maybe 2 hours of sleep and went to church bright and early (i tried to fight dozing off so hard but. i made coffee to go & it spilled everywhere before i took a sip). sat in the car with my family while we drove two hours to the cemetary and didnt get home till 11 hours later. i saw family i hadn't seen in a long time, some i met for the first time (new lil babies!!). cried a lot. i wasn't super close with my cousin and hadnt seen him in forever but still feels hard to believe. last time i went to a wake it was for my best friend. been pretty sad and stressed and getting panic attacks again - just feels like a lot on my mind and i dont have the capacity to do anything


time: 2:30am
mood: meh
drinking: n/a
eating: n/a
listening: gitaroo man ost

going to my cousin's funeral on friday.. feeling quite overwhelmed lately


time: 1am
mood: craving udon noodles
drinking: spiked spicy lemonade..
eating: n/a

another long time no update ;_; to be honest the past month has been a blur. i tried to write in my diary since but here's another attempt~ some project updates: i made a new layout for my directory and added about 10+ more links. check it out!

for a while ive been thinking about making a zine about old web aesthetics but who knows if i'll ever get around to it. though i DID start writing some thoughts about it. u can take a peek on my bearblog and my new subdomain *cough*. these are first draft no revision no research beforehand takes so feel free to give ur input lol

i also been making some progress on gaming lol. after about a few weeks i got the 100% items achievement in katamari reroll :-9. i also made some progress in my game in unity! i keep redoing everything so progress isnt exactly linear but im REDOING my whole character controller and nooooowwww a new inventory system. its still a bit unfinished but its going pretty well *-* i share clips here and there on my mastodon account. *dies*

there's been other things going on but nothing feels worth noting >:/ oh well.


time: 8pm
mood: itchy
drinking: black cherry seltzer
eating: bagel

hello~ long time no update. ive been funnily busy these past few days. i participated in the NADA art fair this weekend :O and i have to do some follow up emails but hopefully i have exciting news. i tried to get a state ID but long story short it was easier to renew my permit instead - my permit wouldve been expired for two years on saturday so obviously i waited until friday to go to the dmv. xPP

i went to the doctor today for a bad rash ive been dealing with for two weeks now. thankfully its nothing serious and will go away on its own but it can be 4-6 weeks or so T_T they gave me a whole tub of ointment tho LMFAO god help meeee.

incase you missed it i also did an interview for the yesterweb podcast :3c take a listen here~

some things ive been working on: i've been posting doodles on the fedi, updated this demo of jade's town (but it has a few errors ive been too lazy to fix lol - player is missing some textures), and finally made some adoptables... have a fruity kitty? :3.

oh yeah, it was also my birthday this weekend!!! i am 28 now q_q weee


time: 9:31pm
mood: i have a headache

first off much love to everyone whose sent me messages about my kitty ♡ i am still missing her a lot but prolly will for a long time. ive been pretty down lately but doing small little things to keep me occupied. sorry if i haven't been super talkative in my usual spaces. been playing furcadia again way more, and making patches n dreams n scripting. i really want to update my furc page cuz ive made a lot since!!. i also just started watching azumanga daioh cuz ive been meaning 2 for a while n wanted some funny hahas while im tucked in bed depression mode. i like it so far but can we stop w/ the adult men being predatory on literal children ;____; yikes. im ready for the perv trope to die already. thenkz. btw the two teachers (sry idr their names) are my fav♡. i also have been playing chulip again (but this time emulated) and harvest moon on the ps1. both very cute cozy charming games. i want to make something with that feeling also. oh btw, i unceremoniously uploaded another demo of my long term game project jade's world :p.

be kind n take care.


time: 6:24am

im so heartbroken. i had to put my lil angel down. i miss her so much.


time: 9:47pm
mood: ^-^'''
listening: cornelius - fantasma but also this sick mix

i just wanted to take a quick moment to update my diary ^-^ im trying to write more, but it's hard ヾ(  ̄O ̄)ツ ・゚✧

i made a bearblog months ago but never touched it. well, i decided to finally dust it off. i think it'll be where i write more article-y think pieces? and my diary is less formal anyways so i'll continue to post more freeform here :-p

i don't really have much else to say.. my days are kind of the same lol. can't wait for my therapy lamp to come, winter sux0rz. i've been hibernating due 2 lack of serotonin T-T


time: 12:04am
mood: ヽ(~_~(・_・ )ゝ
listening: n/a

T_T y'all.... me n my whole family got hit with covid. for the last week i havent left my bed n felt like shiiiiiiiiiiit T_T ive been super AWOL cause i just dont have the energy to keep up w/ everything. the fatigue is so overwhelming. gah!!!!!! im finally starting to regain some energy but now i have a really bad sore throat. the rest of us are sort of hanging in there.. i had to take my boyfriend to the hospital which was scary but he was OK. phew. anyways i DO NOT recommend getting covid and if you haven't been boosted or vaxxed do it. i got vaxed back in april but not boosted and it hit me bad lmao,, like a shitton of bricks!! my dad got vaccinated very recently and he didnt even have a fever T__T

~~~> in other news i joined the smoll net and made a capsule on the gemini protocol ^^ my link is: gemini://cinni.cities.yesterweb.org/. if you don't have a gemini browser you can also view it via the yesterweb proxy ~~~> https://gemini.yesterweb.org/proxy/cinni.cities.yesterweb.org/. i started a webcomic (or a gemcomic if u will) which is still a WIP but it's a fun challenge to create something visually in a medium that is text only. >:3

p.s. is there a term for when youve spread yourself so thin with so many projects? cause thats me rn. i wish i could do everything but im also trying to recover from chronic burnout and take it easy. eeeeek x_x

be safe everyone n take it easy :-*


time: 3-4 AM
mood: (o_ _)ノ彡☆
listening: yesterweb radio

seriously! long time no update!! almost a whole two months........well? what's new? i quit my day job LOL. i hated my job for sooooooooooo long but finally had the courage 2 quit after getting a very exciting freelance offer, which at this point i'm not sure is happening, but regardless i wanted to quit my job in the new year regardless if i had a next gig!! i was at that place for 3 years and i was really always on the verge of a mental breakdown T_T it was such a toxic work environment that even if i don't have a new job lined up, i seriously just couldn't stand being at my job any longer...............2021 i was at my worst yet.... i won't get into it, but my mental health was fucked so i started therapy so that's a start! until i quit my job ALL i could talk about was work, so here's to finally working on some deep rooted trauma i think...T-T''' crazy. i'm still working on some comissions so maybe i'll freelance for a bit in the new year. i *did* apply for a nice job, but who knows if i'll hear back. (´-ω-`)

i'm on break until the 4th, then i work my final week at work -w- so ready to leave that place, lol! whether or not i have a job secured for january, i'm just gonna chill...... the new job i applied for won't get back to me till mid jan, so i figure i'll take the first month in the new year pretty easy TwT even my mom pointed out that i never slept, lol, which was a sign 2 me that my sleep schedule was messed up (i knew, but it feels different when someone else notices...)

okay okay, besides work, here are some new updates!: i joined mastodon on the yesterweb server ^.^ i also am on a few forums! the melonking forum & the pixel garden forum! i also made my own font using this program, which is now the default font of my site! i'm also working on my games in my freetime, so i updated the games section! a few various pages are also given the slight style update, so crawl around! ^.^ (like the site name generator!)